Its nearly to Ramadhan again, and my heart beating fast. What kind of test will come to me this Ramadhan?. What kind of Love, Allah try to show me this time. Its a really long way to go through this 2015 and 2016. Its really beautiful journey that make me hesitate either should I stop it or continue it.
Clearly I remember, its was on the end of june 2015 where it already half of Ramadhan 1436. I meet him, the one that I think Allah send to me to test me either I am really strong enough to face it. The pray that I always whisper tru my Do'a to make my heart strong enough for the love that Allah already give.
Nearly end of Ramadhan 1436, everything seems to be fast... EVERYTHING. And what really disappointed me that, I dindt change my heart at all to Allah. But I change it towards the guy that I barely know. My wish at that 1st day of Ramadhan is to finish read the Al-Quran but, I only read it halfway. And the other half, I keep thinking to that guy. "Then which of the Blessing of your Lord will you deny?" (Ar-Rahman)
because of one things.
He keep promise me the things that I cant get by my own.
He keep pouring me with the promise to give me a well life.
He promise me that everything will past and we will be the happiest person ever.
Astaghfirullah...
My heart were not strong enough to receive the actual love from Allah.
I forgot that actually I have too much sins from the past, to make Allah answer my question too fast.
I drunk in the love that actually not real. Forgive me Allah.
About 2 months I keep figure out, how can I forgive him?. What should I do to forget him. Its such a heartbreaking things to see again my past full with sins with him.
I keep regrets the things happen and keep to blame other for my mistakes. Forgive me my friends.
Its such a shame to myself, shame to my self that I forgot I have family besides me.
As I look at my parents picture on my graduation day, I guess that only the time the feel proud of me, maybe that only the time I can give to them something to be proud of. And now...only disappointed things...
Forgive me Mak, Ayah.
From the Ramadhan scene, I got a lot to learn.
The soft whisper Allah give to me to come back to Him after the searching of love that only exist when I ready to have it.
The feeling when you see your Mom and Dad mad at you because the really care for you.
The feeling when your siblings are only the place you have after your heart throw them away once you have a problems.
A lot of hikmah comes to me after he gone.
A lot of means come to me after I woke up from my depression.
Allah only wants me to come back to HIM. Allah only wants to make my heart stronger.
Allah....
I hope this Ramadhan I can give the best towards You, my parents and family.
I hope, this Ramadhan comes and go with a lot of hikmah.
Allah...
please, make my heart become stronger enough to overcome all of you test without shaking off my Iman.
Allah.... Please make me better from day to day..and
If I can't even see this Ramadhan, Please, forgive my sins and make my parents proud of having me even on my last time I cant give the best to them.
Clearly I remember, its was on the end of june 2015 where it already half of Ramadhan 1436. I meet him, the one that I think Allah send to me to test me either I am really strong enough to face it. The pray that I always whisper tru my Do'a to make my heart strong enough for the love that Allah already give.
Nearly end of Ramadhan 1436, everything seems to be fast... EVERYTHING. And what really disappointed me that, I dindt change my heart at all to Allah. But I change it towards the guy that I barely know. My wish at that 1st day of Ramadhan is to finish read the Al-Quran but, I only read it halfway. And the other half, I keep thinking to that guy. "Then which of the Blessing of your Lord will you deny?" (Ar-Rahman)
because of one things.
He keep promise me the things that I cant get by my own.
He keep pouring me with the promise to give me a well life.
He promise me that everything will past and we will be the happiest person ever.
Astaghfirullah...
My heart were not strong enough to receive the actual love from Allah.
I forgot that actually I have too much sins from the past, to make Allah answer my question too fast.
I drunk in the love that actually not real. Forgive me Allah.
About 2 months I keep figure out, how can I forgive him?. What should I do to forget him. Its such a heartbreaking things to see again my past full with sins with him.
I keep regrets the things happen and keep to blame other for my mistakes. Forgive me my friends.
Its such a shame to myself, shame to my self that I forgot I have family besides me.
As I look at my parents picture on my graduation day, I guess that only the time the feel proud of me, maybe that only the time I can give to them something to be proud of. And now...only disappointed things...
Forgive me Mak, Ayah.
From the Ramadhan scene, I got a lot to learn.
The soft whisper Allah give to me to come back to Him after the searching of love that only exist when I ready to have it.
The feeling when you see your Mom and Dad mad at you because the really care for you.
The feeling when your siblings are only the place you have after your heart throw them away once you have a problems.
A lot of hikmah comes to me after he gone.
A lot of means come to me after I woke up from my depression.
Allah only wants me to come back to HIM. Allah only wants to make my heart stronger.
Allah....
I hope this Ramadhan I can give the best towards You, my parents and family.
I hope, this Ramadhan comes and go with a lot of hikmah.
Allah...
please, make my heart become stronger enough to overcome all of you test without shaking off my Iman.
Allah.... Please make me better from day to day..and
If I can't even see this Ramadhan, Please, forgive my sins and make my parents proud of having me even on my last time I cant give the best to them.
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